She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
