hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
