I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
