highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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