I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
