She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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