I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
