i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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