I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
