Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
