In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
