I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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