I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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