it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
