Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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