I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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