So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
