yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
