She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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