My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
