I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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