Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
