very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I had to cum in my sink.
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