that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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