Ambien. No doubt about it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
