all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
