She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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