id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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