Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
