I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
