Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
