I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
