i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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