u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
