Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
