I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
