3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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