I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How naked do you want me to be?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
