dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
