Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
