So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
