She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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