If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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