I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
