you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
