I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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