I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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