so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
