I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
