I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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