Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize