I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
