I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
