Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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