i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
