Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
