the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
