Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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