she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
