I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
