I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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