She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
