Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
