Sacagawea was the original milf.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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