babies were throwing up all over the place
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Randomize
