I will die if light touches me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
