i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
