question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why do cheetos always look like penises
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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