is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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